Breaking the Approval-Loop : Taking the Real Me for a Test Drive

Expectation and approval, possibly, two of the most disruptive of human mental ‘states’ we possess.  They continue to confound me both personally and societally.  Even when collecting my thoughts for a way in which to describe them I wrestled with the impact, effect and power they hold over our being, both mental and emotional.

Today I was struck by a feeling of new-found freedom, that was driven by an equally new-found lack of expectation, in my lifelong pursuit of approval from a parent.  Recently, I chose, for my emotional self-preservation, to cut off verbal (voice) communication with my father.  It was done respectfully.  I’m sure it was as painful for him as it was for me.  My request for blocking phone conversations came with a caveat. (in this case, an olive branch of sorts)  I offered that I was willing to receive letters from him, and would write, thus providing us an alternative venue in which to forge a new relationship based on respect, and the honoring of my feelings and opinions, as well as his.

Everything is Different : Coping With Change

I opened my eyes and immediately thought ‘It’s different.  Everything is different.’  It is Christmas morning and there are no kids here.  There is no flutter of excitement in my stomach, no anticipation of youthful exuberance and joy over treasures wished for and received.  No talk of Santa coming...no need to put floured boot prints on the carpet.  One more mile marker honoring the passage of the most golden time of my life.  I can’t help but tear up.  A most precious era has past, never to be experienced again.

When Is It Appropriate to Smite a Gorgon?

We all have those experiences, those individuals that cross our path that just mess with our ‘Bliss’.  The person that appears normal at the first, or even second meeting, that lulls you into thinking they are a rational individual, operating on the “Roberts Rules of Order for Normal Human Behavior” and then WHAM!  They wack you right up side the head with some outrageously bazaar act of ickiness, so mean that you are left dumbstruck.

I’m not sure I know what is the correct action in such a situation.  A good smack always comes first to my mind (kidding), although a pie in the face might do.  Something, anything to make them wake up and see the absurdity of their behavior.  The few times this has occurred to me the individual in question has been acting from blind self interest, so absolutely certain of the rightness of their cause they can’t see the pain, confusion and overall chaos they are causing.  They are like an evil Gorgon on crack!  Dashing around in this whirl of negative energy causing mayhem and destruction.

My question is...when this is not a gorgon, but a real individual, and the person being hurt is a loved one, what do you do?  in the past, I have watched a precious relationship being sorely tested, intruded upon by a third party.  I was close enough that was really painful to watch.  But, smart enough to know that it’s not my journey, not my decision,  not my place...blah, blah, blah.  Taking the high road sucks, sometimes.

What do I do with my emotions, which range from anger to outrage?  I know I’m supposed to let it go, breath, meditate...more blah, blah, blah.  I would love to hear from you.  What have you done in similar situations?  Slayed the Gorgon? (where’s my sword?) Watched from the sidelines and prayed for the best?  Journaled like a maniac, seeking relief?  What?

A Community of Women : Changing the Balance of Power

I love reading something, or hearing something that brings you up short and makes you question, rethink, or challenge a basic belief.  I just started reading a book encouraging women to claim their power in society called ‘No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power’ when this exact phenomenon occurred.  In this particular instance, I was immediately offended.  To paraphrase, the author, Gloria Feldt, stated that if, as women, we choose to be stay-at-home mom’s we are not supporting the plight of women to achieve job equality and stature, or power.

It’s Just a Stupid Pot of Coffee. Or is it?

I was a card carrying “Hearth & Home Maniac-tress”.  A made up title, but a perfect description of my blind over-devotion to husband, sons, and home.  The level of perfection I demanded from myself is staggering.  My identity and self worth was defined by a made up list of qualifications as to what a good wife and mother did and how well I could fulfill each and every item on it.  There was never an either-or.  It was all or nothing.  If it wasn’t perfect I was a failure, and probably unloveable.