It’s so easy to get sucked into the pull of life, to become a bobber being tugged with life’s currents this way and that. I know what I need to do to maintain the inner calm I have grown to cherish, the quiet that anchors me to my inner peace. However, I don’t always remember to fit it into the flow that life creates around me.
Today, as I prepared to carve out time for this much needed practice, I went through the quasi ritual of preparing my space. My spot needs to be comforting for my mind, body and senses. This morning the smells of ‘home’ call to my heart, my inner child seeking the love and security conjured up by Norman Rockwell pictures of the family kitchen. This image in mind, I gather cinnamon candles (the smell of cookies baking), English Breakfast tea, (the smell of companionship), a soft, snuggly blanket to cuddle up in (this requires no edification), and soft lighting (summer sunshine making it's first appearance). I stand facing the large picture window, the sunrise just starting to light the sky, and I breathe...in, then out. All is ready for The Quiet, the stillness I will make room for in my head and in my heart.
Many times, when I begin this practice, especially if I have put it off as I have this time, while I gather The Quiet into myself I feel the frantic energy currently inhabiting my spirit recede, moving from my head to my feet to be released to the earth, only to be replaced by a different energy, a bigger, emotional maelstrom, stored up and locked away, always gathering force between sessions.
My heart and my head are filled with confusion, tension, ‘should have’s’, scheduling demands and relationships, each with their own energetic charge. I breathe in, breathe out and with each breath I remind myself to let go. I coax the part of me that clings to control, so convinced is it that the forces of life can be commanded at will. “Let go” I breathe again, exhaling a curtain that separates me from this whirlwind. “Be still.”
Crafted with the heart and hands of a loving artisan, a perfect stillness descends. From this place of purity the tears flow, the energy is released and I am lighter, freer, more open. I’m OK with these tears as it is a venting of my spirit, a release of built up excitement, disappointment, physical pain, life changes, happiness, sorrow, concern for those I love, anticipation of things to come, empathy for my fellow man. I can let the tears flow not assigning a name to them, or having them hold any weight. This is what my spirit needs to do to come to a place of peace, to be centered.
I am amazed at how easy it is for this release to happen, now that I know how. I am so thankful that I have gotten to a place where I don’t have to carry that energy with me like I used to. In the past, there was this lump in my stomach and chest area that rarely left me, frequently making it difficult to breathe. There was no flow, no way to relieve the collection of emotions I gathered while going through my everyday life.
It is liberating to have arrived at a place where I am not only able to let this tornado of my spirit be so easily released, but also, that I can recognize these tears for what they are. Release. I don’t need to analyze them, justify them, explain them or stifle them. I can just sit there in The Quiet and let them flow, cleansing my heart and soul of all that I have taken into me. I can sit in The Quiet and honor the stillness, knowing that I have laid claim to my life, set my course, once again the captain of my destiny.
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