Do Yourself A Favor

We come into this world perfect.  Everything about us is exactly as it is supposed to be.  Our creativity, athleticism, expressiveness, empathy, activity level, all these things are hardwired into us to provide us with the boost we need to be our very best selves.

Then, society, parents, peers, and media come along and tell us what’s wrong with us.  We are spacey (creative), not feminine enough (athletic), make too much noise and commotion (expressive), too sensitive (empathetic), have ants in our pants (active).  Suddenly, the same beautiful traits we were born with are turned upside down, used against us.  They are no longer gifts, they are liabilities.  All because someone redefined them for us, without our permission.

Many times these slurs are unintentional.  In my homeschooling community, I knew a mom who used to introduce her son by saying “this is Tom, my non-reader”.  In her mind, I know she thought she was making ‘the way’ easier for her son.  Warning everyone not to expect him to do something he wasn’t capable of, so he wouldn’t be put on the spot during an activity and be made to feel uncomfortable.  But, I often wondered what that was doing to poor Tom’s self esteem...to be known as ‘Tom- the non-reader’?  It became his identity whether he liked it or not.  Whether it was to his benefit or not, this demeaning moniker stuck.

At our local Panera, one Saturday morning, a little girl, of 5, and her dad came in, sporting bike helmets.  Her’s was pink, and shiny new.  She had that look that kids get when they are feeling special.  I called out to her “I love your beautiful pink helmet.  It’s wonderful!”  Her dad replied “It’s an adults.  She has a gigantic head...just like me”.  I laugh every time I think of him saying that.  He did have a rather large head.  But, it was so inappropriate!  This poor little girl is going to grow up looking at herself in the mirror and only seeing a big head (which, I assure you, was normal looking to me)  The dad didn’t mean anything by it, but I know this will stick with her.  It’s just the way of things.

So, I had this idea.  Every one of us needs a Labels Trash Can.  A soup sized can that maybe even says TRASH on it.  Like any trash can, it’s purpose is a place to deposit useless things that are used up, serve no purpose, done with, rotten.  This trash can is going to serve a unique purpose.  Every time one of these negative labels pops into your head, write it down on a piece of paper (no matter where you are, or what you are doing).  At the first opportunity, crumple it up and throw it in your trash can.  Be done with it!  It is a stupid label, bestowed upon you without thought, without kindness, without love.  It isn’t what you are really like.  It isn’t what you really do.  It isn’t a part of your true self.

As you throw it away, remember.  You are creative, athletic, expressive, empathetic, active, whatever positive replacement descriptive word you can find. (you many have to use a thesaurus under antonym)  It is your gift.  It is what you came into this world with, the tool you needed to make you the perfect person.  

Please, do yourself a favor...put out your trash!  Like all trash, it’s just making a mess of things.