Sometimes You Gotta Cry to Reach Your Dream

For awhile I stopped writing my blog because I didn’t feel I had anything inspiring to offer, after all that is what this blog was designed to do.  But lately, life has thrown me for a loop, putting extra stressors and challenges in my path at every turn.  I have hidden this away not wanting to share a side of me that struggles and isn’t standing strong all the time.

In the last few days I have come to recognize the strength it takes to keep muddling through.  I have come to acknowledge that it’s OK to feel weak (something I absolutely abhor), to give in.  It's OK to feel defeated provided  I only choose to visit this place and not 'live' here.

Four years ago I set out on a path to menopausal nirvana, the land of purpose and fulfillment after motherhood.  I wanted to ‘get it right’, to make choices that were the very best for me, (taking into account that I am happily married).  In that time I have:

Faced and overcome a lifetime of feeling stupid due to undiagnosed learning disabilities by attaining my personal training certification (a self taught program including a text book of 500 pages...my disability is dyslexia).  

I have attended countless networking meetings populated by women in suits (hugely intimidating), where I felt totally ill equipped to even show my face let alone stand tall and proud introducing myself and my business. 

I have forced myself to be a presenter at a dozen or more meetings hoping I could inspire women to see themselves in a better light...to step into their greatness, while I was trying to step into mine.

I have floundered in my search for a passion and purpose, desperately seeking something I could really dig my teeth into, to feel inspired by, to call my own and share with others.

And, after 4 long years I HAVE found my voice.  I have spoken about my emotionally and verbally abusive father.  I have taken back my power and am creating programs to give women a voice.

Yet, as I am writing this, I am crying.  I am tired.  I am tired of climbing out of the place I used to live it.  I want so much more.  I can see bigger things.  But, each dream and each vision requires more courage and tenacity.  It requires more dedication, more guts, and more hard work.  And, I’m tired.

So, I have decided to start blogging again.  Because I want other women to know that although it looks like I am smoothly navigating this journey, I go forward with fear and doubt, and that’s OK...because, I will go forward...as you can go forward.  I will take time to re-fuel because no matter how quickly I want to get ‘there’ I need to take care of me, right now.  My heart and my mind need to rest.  I need strength to be courageous and that requires enormous amounts of self care and patience.  It’s OK to rest.  It’s OK to cry.  It’s OK not to have all the answers.  It’s OK that it’s not happening now.

I will continue to write because I want to inspire.  This is a challenging time, going from over attentive mom and wife to an independent woman of power.  But, there are so many great things that have come out of this journey.  I have some of the best friends I have every had in my life.  I am filled with purpose, knowing I have something to offer the women of the world.  I have a better understanding of the gifts that I have and a way that I can share them.  

So even though my business is in it's infancy,  that I will eventually changes women’s lives with my vision, I know that I am a enormously different woman than I was 4 years ago.  Because 4 years ago I didn’t even have The Dream.