What's Keeping You From Marrying A Young Italian

Expectation is a powerful force. Combine that with preconceived notions and you have the potential for a huge and unnecessary hurdle.  I was reminded of this the other day when I was watching an old movie with Olivia De Havilland called Light in the Piazza. It’s a sweet tale of a mother who’s daughter becomes mentally impaired after suffering a serious injury in childhood.  The daughter, now aged 26, and mother take a holiday in Florence.  Very watchful and protective of her extremely lovely, yet equally innocent daughter, Olivia is surprised and concerned to find her daughter has sneaked away, met a young Italian, and in 1 afternoon fallen in love.  Although she makes every attempt to keep the 2 apart, the boyfriend, played by the dashing George Hamilton is overcome with amore for his lady love, delighting in her innocent, childlike nature, joie-de-vive, and purity.

Here’s where it gets sticky.  Olivia De Havilland’s character has hung her hopes on her daughter being ‘normal’ some day, while her husband only sees a daughter that will never fit into high society. Both parents view the daughter as ‘less than’ and fear a future  filled with unhappy results. 

In Italy, the daughter blossoms, easily picking up the language. She is a natural in the simple life of the native Italians. Unlike her home in North Carolina, Mother realizes this setting fits her daughter to a tea, and hopes, beyond all things, that her daughter can have a normal life with George Hamilton.

So, where is my point hidden in the recap?  Olivia de Havilland’s character struggles through most of the middle portion of the movie with her obligation to inform the Italian family of her daughter’s limited capabilities.  Her husband is outraged that she would even consider the possibility that their daughter might be able to have this normal life and is insistent that it’s time to put the daughter in a group home.  

On the flip side, the Italian family find this young woman delightful. Honest, pure, reverent, and innocent, she is everything they have hoped for in a daughter-in-law.  They love all the qualities that the parents find the markers of her limited capabilities.  

The movie has a funny twist ending, which I won’t ruin for you.  But, the lesson is the same.  By having limited thinking, preconceived notions and expectations these parents felt limited in their possibilities both for themselves and their daughter.  Because she hadn’t fit into the 'regular' world, playing by the rules of their NC social circles, they couldn’t image that their daughter would ever be anything other than an embarrassment and an outcast.

Not true!  Change the environment, change the expectations and suddenly a whole new world opened up.

Here’s the reality of my world as I look around me.  For the majority of us, it’s not a deal breaker that you have a funny voice, wild hair, aren’t good at math, weren’t the valedictorian of your high school class, or, in my case, didn’t graduate college.  We all feel as though our ‘short comings’ are tattooed on our forehead, the first things that passers-by will see.  The reality is that we are all going about our lives doing the best that we can.  Some of us are good at math, other’s not so much.  Chances are if you’re not good at math you didn’t become a mathematician anyway.  

You are just you.  Just like everyone else.  It’s time to put those expectations, and preconceived limitations away in the closet for good.  People look at you and see a person that is bright, happy, fun, creative, young at heart,  thoughtful and a million other fantastic things.  They think you have wonderful qualities, and like you for them.  They may even like you best for the things you feel are flaws!  So, put away your false beliefs, get out of your own way and marry an gorgeous young Italian!  Live your life as it was meant to be lived.