I was feeling a little ‘snack-y’ tonight, a chronic problem for me lately, and decided to share a bag of popcorn with Mr. Reddenbacher. Mouth watering, as I imagined the salty, buttery taste soon to assail my pie-hole, I was delighted to see that not only was I going to have a party in my mouth in 2.5 minutes, but I also had the chance to win big prizes in the Orville Reddenbacher’s Pop and Win Instant Game Contest. Hooray! Could the night get any better?
I was instructed in microscopic type ‘not to remove game piece from bag’. My prize would be revealed when the popcorn was done cooking.
As time ticked by I was spending my prize money on wondrous things. I would buy us a motor boat...no a yacht! ... with a crew...and sail around the world feeding hungry children, and snowboarding on my off days. On Wednesdays, courtesy of my private jet, I would fly to Italy to ride my new, ga-billion dollar road bike through the countryside, visiting gelato stands.
3.2.1..ding! Alas, I’m about to be rich, and full all in one yummy, crunchy, salty bag.
Anticipation at an almost fevered pitch, I pull the bag out, give it a quick shake to spread the buttery, salty goodness equally over all the perfectly popped kernels...and I peek, just peek at the magic game piece affixed to that side of the bag.
The secret panel read “You are not a winner. Try again”
‘WHAT?’ I thought, outraged. How can this be? I have a wonderful life, a wonderful husband. Two wonderful boys. A roof over my head, and popcorn to eat when I’m hungry. Screw you Orville Reddenbacher, I’m Wonder Woman. I am TOO a winner!
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