While going through some old photographs of me as a girl, like most in this situation I was transported back in time, a short biography of myself being played out as I turned the pages. Me, grade 5, wearing that funky brown dress with the daisies and cloth covered button. (Itchy and stiff) Me, age 13, with groovy green and orange plaid, bell-bottom, low slung, hip hugger pant. (They were so cool) Me, posing with my date, for the prom. Weird dress. (I made that dress, and attempted to make one like it for my friend. Mom had to rescue me from that disaster.)
Just pictures. Visual images. And then, without realizing it, I was still and quiet. I listened. I took stock. Each photograph had a very different emotion attached to it. I flipped back the pages. Grade 5, brown dress....happy! Green and Orange bell-bottoms, age 13...confused, in turmoil. Prom dress...frustrated, unfulfilled, happy on the outside (not so much on the inside), surprisingly determined and optimistic.
When I think of my childhood I generally categorize it as unhappy. When I viewed my childhood with adult eyes and listened with an adult heart, a different image presented itself, and it was freeing. It was no longer just unhappy.
Today, I honor the little girl that was confused, in turmoil, frustrated, unfulfilled and unheard. I hear you. I feel you. I honor your journey. You are a wonderful being. You are smart, funny, kind and you have great courage. You stick to your ideals and your values regardless of the consequences. And, you are right....about almost everything. You are right. Hold tight to your beliefs. For they are true.
Your work here is done. The time has come for you to be free, to shine, to come into yourself. There is no censure now. You can move forward and live the life you were meant to lead. You have successfully brought me to the place that I am today. Thank you for bringing me here, for fighting the fight, for surviving the journey. For now, I am happy.
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