Chasing Diamonds and Dreams

I’m at this funny point in my life, perched on the very pinnacle between this world and that, my life before and my life to come .  I am a rare women, as I am happily married to the same man for 32 years. 
I like my house, granted the bathroom could use some work, and my bedroom is too small.  I have a great relationship with my 2 grown boys, one that lives close by, the other across the country.  I get to play a lot, a major key to my happiness and something I overlooked for many of my adult years.  My husband’s job supports us in a life style that allows us many advantages.  We would not be considered wealthy by most people’s standards today.  But, we are happy.  We have each other.  We have enough.

So, why am I impatient?  What am I impatient for?  I feel an urgency calling.  There is something out there with my name on it.  I feel it.  Why can’t I find peace in it, just knowing it’s out there.  There really is no hurry.  Whatever it is, it’ll get here, if I don’t get sidetracked.  If I don’t go off willy-nilly down this path and that.  

I have gotten in the habit of practicing quietness when this Urgency presents itself.  I stop.  I put everything aside, including my thoughts, and I listen for the peace I know resides within.  If I’m able, I go outside and breathe in the outdoors.  I move in the sunshine and inhale the smells.  My ears strain for the sounds of nature, and I am reminded how blessed I am.

I tried to work this morning.  Instead, I paced, restless once again.  So, I went for a short ride on my bike.  It was hot so I had to ride slowly.  But everything was so green, the birds so twittery, the breeze light and warm, and camp kids were shrieking, in fun, nearby.  

This is what I am meant to do right now.  There is no fire to be put out.  All is as it is meant to be.  I am following my passion.  I am honoring my heart.  There is more to come. But, it will come when the time is right.  It’s just not time yet.  And, I’m ok with that.  I will continue to remember that each day is a gift, and find the joy in all the blessings that make up my life.  I will continue to walk away from ‘The Urgency’ instead of stepping into it.  For, I know now that it is futile and frustrating, and takes me no closer to my destiny.

‘The Urgency’ is not a call to action, as I had thought.  It is a reminder to be patient.  ‘They’ have picked a most fitting test for one so impulsive and flitty.  I know the ‘All Knowing Ones’ are having a laugh at my expense, watching me run this way and that, chasing my tail.  

No more, I say!   The gauntlet has been thrown and I never run from a challenge.  I will prevail.  I will conquer Patience like the mighty beast that it is!  

However, if you happen to see me somewhere looking pensive and purposeful, chasing diamonds and dreams, please just remind me to take a breath, as I’m a rather slow learner.