While pondering another thought provoking question this morning, which revisited the tired subject of nature vs. nurture, I was drawn once again to look at the turmoil created for women by the mishmash known as the 60’s.
The question asked “What effect did society have on you as a child to create the adult you are today?”
The question asked “What effect did society have on you as a child to create the adult you are today?”
My answer started out with mindless drivel about false beliefs. As I walked down memory lane two conflicting entities came crashing into my mind, the power of which was staggering and of such magnitude as to have a life changing effect. It has been a paradigm shift and an major image adjuster all rolled into one. I dropped the drivel, chucked the false beliefs and danced with the joy of an inmate released from prison.
It all boiled down to the turmoil of the ’60. As with any cultural revolutions you have The Old Guard and the New Regime. Born in 1958, I am the mixed up product of this war against the old and battle for the new, and I’m only just beginning to realize the impact it had on me.
In my mind, The Old Guard is represented by the principal of my elementary school, a strict ogre of a man with a stern face and sour disposition, named Mr. Finch (which not surprisingly rhymes with Mr. Grinch, and frequently ‘accidentally’ got substituted in the song). I don’t know what called this man to work with children, it was quite obvious, just like the Grinch, he hated the little ‘Who’s’. The epitome of strict morals and values, in Mr. Finch’s school girls couldn’t wear pants. I feel his oppression to this day, even though I had very little interaction with him. He was disapproving of me, as a girl. He symbolized all those societal rules that said I wasn’t good at being a girl. I wasn’t quiet enough, sweet enough, or still enough. And, I really needed to wear pants!
It wasn’t just Mean Mr. Finch that was the problem, though. Parents told their little girls they weren’t allowed to play with me because I wasn’t a good ‘role model’ of feminine behavior. (It should be noted these same girls swore before me, kissed boys before me, drank alcohol before me, and...the big one...had sex before me.) I was a polite, well behaved child. I just couldn’t seem to get a handle on that girl thing.
By 6th grade, I was well programmed to believe that I was a failure as a female. Try as I might, it was impossible to suppress all of my ‘short-comings’. I became unhappy, but resigned...I was a misfit.
If Mr. Grinch...oops, Finch was the symbol of the society of old, holding women in their place as subservient beings to be seen but not heard, doting on the needs of others, Ms. (the first MS. I knew), Ms. Robinson was the embodiment of everything new. A blonde bombshell of 24, she came on as the high school chorus teacher when I was in 10th grade. She was everything liberated and hip! She was the Women’s Liberation Movement personified, sassy, confident and proud to be a woman, someone a girl like me could look up to, aspire to be like, emulate.
Ms. Robinson was one of those teachers kids loved. She talked to us like human beings, asked our opinions and really listened. We all enjoyed her company, and being around her was a treat.
One day, while surrounded by adoring students, she asked “what do you want to do when you get out of school?” Feeling safe, and supported by this fabulous example of new womanhood, I boldly stated “I want to get married and have lots of kids.” Outrage does not describe her response. I was chided for not wanting a career. I was chastised for being programmed into thinking this was my role, and my place in society.
Through her liberated haze, what Ms. Robinson failed to realize or even contemplate, was that some women really just want a family. I love babies, and children. I always have, always will. I love the idea of a family unit, people working together, supporting each other for the greater good. Not a liberated idea, but my heartfelt desire.
What is the most profound about my story is that I was trapped in a collision of social values. I couldn’t ‘win’. And, I know I wasn’t the only one. I often think it may have been easier for me had I been born 50 years earlier. At least then the message would have been consistent. Instead, I didn’t fit the definition of a woman in the old world. And, I didn’t fit the definition in the new world, either. Like one of the Lost Boys, I have lived my entire life in Neverland, unable to grow up because there was no acceptable role for me to move into, the role of being a woman, as defined by me.
Fortunately, like most of my life lessons, this message is the same. I came into this world all that I was meant to be, a bold, beautiful woman. I got it right from the beginning. It was everyone else that got it wrong.
For most of my life I have felt like a failure; I didn’t get it ‘right’ in this world or that. Now, however, I recognizes the power of embracing both. Regardless of the rules of The Old or the concepts of The New, this is who I am. There is no right or wrong. I am an independent, liberated, free thinking, bold, bodacious, mother and wife. I have sacrificed nothing, lost nothing, compromised nothing. I have gained EVERYTHING. I win!
No comments:
Post a Comment