You are just about ready to lead your first Town Meeting. Be prepared. Read through this entire document before beginning. Take time to imagine how the meeting will feel. You will be given tools to rely on if you feel overwhelmed, outnumbered or behavior becomes a problem. Imagine how you will handle conflict, if or when it arises. Imagine yourself remaining, and in control.
Be prepared to briefly discuss what is involved with each activity as you go through the list. It would be unfair to expect someone to take on a task that is going to take 10 hours and 3 trips to the store without them knowing what they are volunteering for. They have not done these jobs before. It is your job to be painfully clear about the expectations. Assume nothing.
Here we go...
You have already prioritized your list, and scheduled all the holiday practices that are at the very top of your list, for you.
You have also sorted through the items that are handed-down traditions or practices that hold no meaning to you, or you do not enjoy doing. You have even gotten rid of some of those items.
You have prepared descriptions for activities that have many steps, or are complicated. If a youngster really wants to volunteer for a complicated task you will need to be prepared to assist them (not do it for them) Or find someone that will. Decide how you will hand this situation should it arise.
Remember : The purpose of the Town Meeting is to delegate things that are left on the list. Attendees have a choice. NOTHING on this list must be done. All these items are extras. You are working toward your happiness.
The Town Meeting is not meant to strong-arm anyone into anything. It is about simplifying, volunteering, helping, and removing unnecessary activities.
TO BEGIN:
Explain the point of the Town Meeting to everyone involved. (If people can’t physically get together you can still ‘meet’ with each person either by phone or email. The point of the meeting, and the rules of the meeting remain the same.)
POINT OF THE MEETING (please feel free to use this as a script, if need be)
“This meeting is being called to decide what activities are essential to everyone involved with this holiday. I recently realized that I just can’t do all of these activities by myself any more. I need your help.”
“The point of this meeting is to decide what activities are important to all of us, as a group, and then divide up the responsibility for these activities.”
“I have already created a list and selected the items from it that I am I am both willing and still capable of doing.”
“If an activity is important to you that means it is important enough for you to help make it happen.”
“If an activity is important to you that means it is important enough for you to help make it happen.”
“Any activity that isn’t important enough for members to help with will be removed from our celebration for this year. It can be re-added next year if the group agrees, and someone is willing to help. There will be no pressure, from anyone, to take on an activity that they have no interested in taking charge of.
“If no one is interested in volunteering for any given activity on the list, that activity will be dropped from the list until next year.”
RULES OF THE MEETING
“There are only a few rules.”
“No arguing. Calm, respectful voices will be used at all times.”
“No whining. No tantrums. No amount of complaining, or guilt will change what the HOST is willing to do, unless the host willingly complies of her own free will. "
"If anyone, including the host, whines, shouts, or complains, the item under ‘debate’ will be moved to the bottom of
the list. It will be discussed at another time, when calm, respectful voices can be used.”
"We have an OOPS sign. The OOPS sign will be held up when our moderator (Ally) (or Host) feels someone’s
behavior is inappropriate. All conversation will immediately stop. The HOST will time15 seconds to allow calm to
return to the meeting."
(HOST NOTE : It is fine if someone should choose to leave the meeting. There is no penalty for this. No comment
will be made about this choice,in the future, by the HOST.)
“The HOST may not use guilt, eye rolling, huffing, or any other behaviors to influence those in attendance to volunteer for a task. If no one volunteers, the task will be willingly dropped by all.” The moderator (ally) is encouraged to hold up the OOPS sign if the HOST forgets these rules.”
“Does everyone understand?”
“Bottom line : If someone volunteers, the activity will remains a part of our holiday traditions. If you say you will help, and you don’t...the No Whining rule is put into place. The activity is up for review, and the HOST may choose, at that time, to remove this activity from the holiday celebrations for this year.”
NOTE to HOST - this decision is never enacted as punishment, or to teach a lesson. You have created a schedule.
There may not be time to re-schedule. It is completely up to you to decide how your time will be used. The choice is
yours. Use this power carefully, and with love. Never use the rule (to drop an activity) in anger.
THE READING AND MAKING OF THE LIST
(HOST reads lists here.)
“Here is a list of all activities involved with this holiday. (provide a list either on paper or read aloud, putting the items you have chosen to do at the top of the list). I have divided the list into 2 categories,
- Activities that I will do
- Activities that you volunteer to do completely on your own, or with a minimum of help (only where necessary - like driving pre-teens to grocery store).”
“Any activities that is unclaimed (no one volunteers for) will be removed from our celebration for this year. We will revisit these activities next year to see if we really missed including them.”
“Here are the activities I have decided to take responsibility for. (read your list of #1’s)
“Here are the remaining items on the list. I will read through it once without stopping. Then, I will read through it a second time stopping at each item to take volunteers interested in taking charge of that activity. (read the list of #2’s and #3’s.) If 2 people volunteer they can share responsibility.”
“All activities that you volunteer for will be scheduled following this meeting, on this calendar. (Hold up calendar) I will provide each of you with a list of what is involved with each activity within the next few days. We will have time to discuss your activity completely so that you understand what is involved and approximately how long it will take.”
“Are there any questions?”
HOST: Go through the list. The more information your attendees have the more likely they will know what they are getting into, the more likely it will get done...the more likely next year will be smooth as pie. Assure everyone that perfection is not expected. There will be mistakes because you are all trying something new.
NOTE : Thank everyone for their support, even if they didn't volunteer to do anything. They came. They listened.
This year, there will be a learning curve. Things will be a little different because everyone does things just a little bit differently. Letting go of the need for perfection, or things to be done the way you do them frees up your time, your calendar and removes stress.
Reminder: You are looking for help. The jobs will get done, but likely not the way you would do them. If you can’t accept this truth, you are not ready for this step yet. IT'S OK. Save this step for next year, or when you are ready.
If things do not go smoothly, someone starts nagging/whining, or doesn’t do the job they signed up for do not decide “it’s just easier if I do it myself.” Stop. Consider the situation. If the person genuinely tried, offer the help you feel appropriate, with kindness and generosity. If the person totally blew it off, do not comment, whine, nag, or guilt them into doing the activity. Just quietly, and peacefully, let it go. It wasn’t important to them. And, by your own admission (it didn’t make it onto your list to begin with) it wasn’t important to you either.
NOTE : This is a very big step. If you can navigate the Town Meeting with kindness and respect you will be able to use this tools for all kids of family/friend situations. No one should come away from the Town Meeting feeling overwhelmed or bullied.
Good luck! You are now equipped to have simpler, stress free holidays for years to come!
PS. I welcome feedback and questions. Please feel free to contact me through this blog.
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