A Time for Change (or Enlightenment Comes in Dog Pose)

Today I went to yoga class.  It’s the same class I always go to, the same teacher, the same time.  I expected the same yoga-rific experience.  Lot’s of Downward Dogs, and Warrior poses, the combination of movement and mental focus a perfectly choreographed dance of meditation and movement, where I am in the zone and nothing outside my body exists.

That’s what I expected.  What I got was an experience that put me outside my comfort zone, both physically and emotionally, a place where my body couldn’t, or wouldn’t do what I expected it to do.  It was an ugly mess that actually brought me to tears.  “I hate my body,”  I thought.  “I hate that my back aches, and my shoulders won’t support me.  I hate that I’m getting older.  I hate this class!”

It’s important to note, at this time, that the entire point of this class (an activity we have not explored before) was to hold each pose for 3-5 min. with the objective of letting go of expectation, of acknowledging what we are holding onto, examining it and breathing through it to ultimate release.

Well, hell!  I hate being in 1 place for more than 30 seconds.  I hate being still even more.  I am rarely patient with myself.  I truly believe my body should be able to do whatever I expect it to do, on demand.  No questions asked.  And here I am being reminded, in this most profound way, a way that speaks to me like no spoken word could, to let go of my unattainable, unrealistic expectation of myself. To breath and move through the things that are holding me back, and just BE...in the moment.

Enlightenment is like that.  It comes at the most bizarre times.  And, if you are quiet enough, and bold enough to listen it can change your view of yourself, your world and all those that are in it.

This was not a new message for me.  I didn’t receive the information well, or gracefully.  Apparently, I’m going down fighting.  But, I do know that in order for true bliss to reside in my heart I have to move to a place of total acceptance of my capabilities and limitations.  I have to be gentle and kind with myself and leave my expectations locked away somewhere out of minds-reach, as they are the bane of my existence.  Hopefully, the next time I am faced with a task where I am unable to achieve the ultimate of excellence, I will remember the lesson I learned while spending 5 interminable minutes in Downward Facing Dog..breath through it, then let it go.